drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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