Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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