i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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