hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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