I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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