I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize