Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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