fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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