Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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