Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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