Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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