tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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