I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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