It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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