That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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