so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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