just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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