What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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