If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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