You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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