I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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