allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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