Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize