she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
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And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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