How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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