the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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