Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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