also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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