I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize