just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh god the rape fog is back!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i think i just lost a toe
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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