I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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