I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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