dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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