Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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