Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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