He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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