The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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