Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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