i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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