True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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