OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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