Only a mothe r could love this liver
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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