Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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