Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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