Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize