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I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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