True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Drake has all the answers
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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