You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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