man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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