Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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